


Polymorph

by Changeling (Thiswasmydesign)



Series: Taakitz week 2 [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: 2taakitz2week, Blupjeans brought the angst, Cat, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Now with added Blupjeans, Oneshot, because why not?, may grow into short series, prompt; Pets and familiars, sfw, transmutation wizard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 11:25:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16158041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thiswasmydesign/pseuds/Changeling
Summary: For 2taakitz2week day 2; Prompt; Pets and Familiars (but not too familiar!)Taako had mentioned getting a pet when they moved in together, but Kravitz didn't remember having agreed. Animals usually didn't like him, what with him being dead and all that jazz.(now with added blupjeans)





	1. Taakitz

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the boring title, this was written in about half an hour straight and I wasn't feeling it when I got to the title stage. Might change it later if inspiration strikes.

Otherworldly reaping scythes could be vanished to another plane and definitely didn’t need a specially crafted cupboard just for their storage, but Kravitz used the one Magnus had made them because he had put so much time and effort into the gift for their new house. A month in and Kravitz still wondered at the idea of a home, a place just for Taako, Angus and he to have to themselves and more importantly, together.

The cupboard also had a special hook for his reaper cloak, but Kravitz had never used it for that, preferring to vanish the item to the astral plane when he shed his reaper form. Instead Taako had suggested he hang a dressing gown there. Away from prying eyes, the elf liked to be comfortable rather than fashionable, and he always complained if he was in nightwear while Kravitz remained in his suit. The dressing gown was a compromise, so that he didn’t have to get changed right away when he got home.

Kravitz shrugged the fluffy navy-blue gown on in place of his suit jacket, but couldn’t tie it – the belt piece was missing. Dismissing it as something to ask Taako about later, Kravitz inadvertently found the belt when he stepped into the sitting room.

Instead of a grinning elf jumping from his seat to greet him, on Taako’s chair was the belt and a copper Bengal cat chewing on one end.

Kravitz hesitated, but the cat wasn’t a total shock. Taako had mentioned getting a pet when they had moved in together, though it had been a seemingly flippant suggestion that he had never actually agreed to. Most animals didn’t like Kravitz – they could feel in the coldness of his hands the chill of death, and that was if he even got close enough to touch them. Many with their keen senses could hear his lack of heartbeat or notice the unnatural lack of those aromas that inevitably followed the living.

So as not to frighten off the little creature, which only looked up briefly from the belt it was chewing, acknowledging his presence before returning to its task, he took a seat in his own usual chair and watched it for a while.

“Hey, puss cat,” he spoke softly. The cat’s left ear twitched and flicked towards him. It looked right at him as it yawned widely, showing needle like teeth before clamping them down into the end of the belt and baring its claws to scratch the fabric. “Now that’s not very nice, little one.”

Cautiously he retrieved the other end of the belt, snatching his hand back when the cat’s tail flicked from side to side in an irritated gesture, its teeth and claws freezing as it fixed his fingers in its stare. Not one to be cowed by such a little creature, he took hold of the end of the belt and snatched his hand back with it as the cat pounced at him.

“Oh stop that!” he laughed, glad that he was wearing gloves when he saw the rip on the back of one. “You’re a wild one, aren’t you? I bet you’d like to play?”

He looked at the partly ruined fluffy belt with one end shredded and dangled the ruined end for the cat to chase. It watched him suspiciously, sat back on its haunches, until he wiggled the belt in the air and with a ferocious meow it pounced, not for the dangling end but for his hand.

“You and I are going to have a falling out if you keep doing that, Mister Puss,” he scolded. The cat ignored him, as cats were want to do, but it did pounce on the loose end of the belt so at least that was a bonus. “Well, you’re not afraid of me, that’s good.”

The cat pounced on the end of the belt a few more times before it just held it between its teeth, jumping back into Taako’s chair and watching Kravitz impatiently.

“Alright, bored already? I wonder where your other daddy’s got to, hmm?”

The cat’s left ear twitched again but otherwise it didn’t react, not that Kravitz had expected it to. There were no other sounds from through the house and Taako wasn’t exactly a quiet person, so he probably wasn’t home. It wasn’t unusual for Kravitz to arrive earlier than the elf, who could get side tracked easily, especially when he was spending time with his sister. He had a book on the living room table specially for that reason, and he was about halfway through so he settled comfortably on the sofa, shuffling the cushions so that he could lay back to read.

Before he could finish the first page he heard the light sound of the cat jumping from Taako’s seat and landing on the floor. That was the only warning he had before it sprang up on to his chest, nudging the book away with its head and treading its claws into his fluffy dressing gown. Kravitz held his unnecessary breath as it sniffed at him, waiting for it to pick up on the unnaturalness of his being, but the cat just gave a little sneeze before doubling its efforts to tenderise an area to lay down upon.

“You’re a brave little thing, aren’t you?” he wondered at the cat’s boldness as it finally curled up on his chest, reaching out a paw with claws extended to snare one of his hands and pull it close, nibbling on the tip of one of the fingers of his gloves. Kravitz let him for a few moments until a needle tooth pierced through the leather and pricked the fleshy edge of his nail. “Okay, that’s about enough of that.”

The cat didn’t appreciate when he moved his hand away, trying to bat at it with both paws until he rested his other hand on its back. Hissing just for a second it spun its head, teeth threatening and claws digging shallowly into his skin through the robe, before seeming to resolve to allow this contact and settling, only its flicking tail showing that it was still annoyed.

He reached for his book again, but the cat batted his hand away and he decided to leave it be, instead finding a spot behind the cat’s ear where it leaned in to the scratch.

“That’s better,” he chuckled. “It’s important that we get along you know. It’ll make Taako sad if we don’t, and you wouldn’t want to make Taako sad, hmm?”

The cat shifted, tilting its chin so that Kravitz could scratch underneath, and started to purr.

“Maybe this won’t be so bad after all,” he murmured softly to himself as the cat slumped bonelessly against his hand, rolling on to its back. A moment passed before it scrambled back upright, scratching at his top pocket. “Ah, sorry, that won’t have been very comfortable…”

He had been carrying the little black box around for months now, hidden in his pocket at all times with a little bit of illusion magic to hide the bulge, waiting for the perfect moment. Back when he was alive things were done in a very different order; no one would have lived together out of wedlock without causing a huge scandal, and even though he knew it was often the other way round now Kravitz hadn’t been able to resist the temptation to at least buy the ring, just in case.

“This is our little secret, Mister Puss,” he warned the cat sternly, at first meaning it as a joke before he recalled that his beloved wizard could talk with animals. Was there anything that wonderful man couldn’t do? “No, really, don’t tell your other daddy.”

The cat mewed complaintively as Kravitz shifted to set the ring box down on the table, watching it all the way. It stayed watching the box, not relaxing when Kravitz scratched behind its ear or under its chin.

“That’s not a toy,” he scolded lightly, carefully lifting the cat up from his chest and turning it to face him as it hung limply down, relaxed enough not to resist. He laid it back down with paws rested on either of his collar bones, scratching behind both its ears until it started to purr again. “You know, don’t tell Taako I said this either, but you are growing on me a little bit.”

Both of the cat’s ears pricked up, and all of a sudden the words were far too literal as it expanded, rapidly growing into the size of a very lightweight tiger before the fur pulled in to its form and left behind a smirking elf.

“’Sup bones?” Taako laughed at the look on his face, a little too high pitched and forced to be natural.

“Bother…” Kravitz glanced from the elf to the ring box on the coffee table and back.

“So we _can_ get a cat then?” Taako diverted, a panicked look in his eyes as he very deliberately didn’t look to the table. “I _knew_ you were a cat person too!”

“Oh Goddess…” What could he say? The ring box was there, he couldn’t hide it, but he could pretend with Taako that it didn’t exist. “Yes, we can get a cat if you want.”

“Good,” Taako sprang up, rushing for the door and talking far too quickly. “Would you like some hot milk? I want some hot milk. I’ll just be through here…”

The elf retreated to the kitchen, leaving Kravitz alone with the ring. That… could have been worse? He thought it could have been much worse. Still, he hadn’t meant to upset his beloved, and he was afraid that was exactly what he had done.

Taako might want to be alone, but when he was upset he usually got himself into a state if he was left to himself. Pocketing the ring box and making sure it was once again obscured by a minor illusion, Kravitz followed him in to the kitchen, where Taako was stirring a pan of milk over the stove. He moved with none of his usual flair, standing stiffly, tense.

Kravitz looped his arms around Taako’s waist, resting his chin on the elf’s shoulder. They stood in silence for a while, Taako slowly relaxing back against his chest. Kravitz not sure whether to say something about the ring or leave it well alone until Taako was ready.

“Promise you won’t do it on the big screen at some tacky football game?”

“What was that?” Kravitz had hardly heard the quietly spoken words, so he was genuinely not sure what Taako had said.

“The… ring… thing,” the elf winced. “Don’t make me say it.”

“Propose?”

“Yeah, that,” Taako huffed. “Don’t be tacky about it. Taako from TV deserves t _he best_.”

“That… sounds like a yes?”

“It’s not a yes,” the elf sniffed haughtily. “You haven’t even asked yet! It’s… it’s permission to ask, I guess? But you’d best make it good, bone boy.”

“I’ll bear that in mind,” Kravitz grinned, planting a kiss on Taako’s cheek, plucking a cat hair from his bottom lip as he pulled away.


	2. Blupjeans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings; non-graphic, superficially described depiction of panic attack.

Barry had the sort of insider knowledge into the practice of necromancy that usually made his job easy. He was unique amongst reapers in being able to use some of the necromancer’s own spells against them – only the ones he had cleared with the Raven Queen of course, because it wouldn’t look very good if suddenly a reaper started animating corpses, but there was something extra wonderful about the looks on the necromancer’s faces when they realised they had been beaten by their own tricks.

The problem was that not all necromancers worked alone, and unlike Lup he didn’t have the raw firepower to take down a well-balanced team of wizards protecting a necromancer. Today wouldn’t be the first time he had messed up a reaping, and it wouldn’t be the last.

It was, however, one of the most embarrassing.

Taako might be the most powerful transmutation wizard in the planar system but he was by no means the only one. Barry could only count his lucky stars that with the day of Story and Song still fresh in everyone’s minds that they had respected him enough not to squash him under a boot once the spell was cast.

Still, he was stuck in a field in the middle of nowhere and he had no idea where he was anymore or how he was going to get home.

Oh, and he was a guinea pig.

So, there was _that_.

How long could polymorph last anyway?

Guinea pigs didn’t have a good way to estimate time passing – or for that matter much of an intelligence modifier. It could have been ten minutes he was stuck running around in the long grass, or ten hours. All he knew was that there was a wooden patio in front of him now and, though the angle was off, it did look familiar.

Maybe he would have to speak with the Raven Queen about allowing this necromancer a little leniency. They had dropped him off right at home.

 _What_ a fangirl.

Now he just had to work out how to knock as a guinea pig. Blast.

Actually, _blast._ Could he use magic as a guinea pig?

Five failed rolls later (curse this proficiency modifier) and a flickering mage hand finally tried the handle, the door swinging inwards. Barry tried to cheer with the relief of it but stopped. Goddess, was that him squeaking?

Guinea pig. Right.

What time was it? Was Lup going to be home? What if she had gone after the necromancer? What if she was on her own?

Was that squeaking coming from him?

Feet, in strappy stiletto heels, walked towards him. Each step shook the floorboards. They were very pretty feet, he thought. Perfection embodied as feet. He really, really hoped they weren’t Taako’s.

“Hey sweetie, how’d you get in?”

Thank the Raven Queen, it was Lup, crooning at him in a soft voice she only ever used at home (“really Barry, gotta think about the brand“) and scooping him up from the floor. Her manicured fingernails were the comparative size of shovels to him.

“Look at that, what silly person left this door open? You must be lost. Wonder where you came from, I’ve not seen any posters for a missing Guinea pig…”

Now, how to get Lup to realise it was actually him?

It was funny, but he hadn’t really thought that far. For some reason he had just assumed somehow that Lup would recognise him.

But he _was_ a guinea pig.

Honestly, couldn’t he at least have been something cool? Maybe, maybe a rabbit? Would that be better?

But wait, if he could cast a mage hand, he could do something else simple? Intelligence modifier aside, he could do this. But what could he do that wouldn’t freak Lup out?

That ruled out… well, a lot of his spells. _Necromancer._ Pretty much designed to freak people out.

A necromancy guinea pig. Goddess, would he ever live it down?

In the end he settled on another mage hand, knocking a picture of him off the wall.

Lup clutched him to her chest in one hand, lighting her other aflame as she looked around for the source of the disturbance. He squeaked as she held him just a little too tight.

“Show yourself!” she demanded, fixing her eyes on his mage hand. Barry managed to maintain the cantrip long enough to wave, and point at himself, currently still squashed against her chest. “…oh…kay, so… you’re a… maaagicial Guinea pig. Alright. That’s… cool.”

Barry laughed, the sound coming out as squeaks. Typical Lup, she could handle anything. Goddess he loved her.

He directed the mage hand to point down at the picture of himself, and back to himself as the guinea pig.

Lup almost dropped him, she was so quick to pull him away from her.

“Barry!?”

He squeaked.

“Oh my Goddess… Barry!”

He wanted to tell her he was fine, that she didn’t need to worry. The spell had to wear off eventually after all, and he was safe and well and _home._ There was nothing to worry about.

But Lup, his strong and fierce Lup, looked on the verge of tears.

“Barry… oh Goddess no,” she bit her lip, and he instinctively guided his mage hand to wipe away the first tears that emerged, squeaking as much as he could to get her attention, trying to somehow tell her not to be upset. Then, quietly, “Not you too.”

Him too? Had someone else been turned into an animal?

Lup dropped to her knees, the impact shaking his small body, and hugged him tight to her chest. The shaking continued, more violent now, and he realised it was coming from Lup.

“It’ll be alright, Barry, I promise you, it’ll be okay, you won’t be stuck like this, I won’t let you be stuck like this…”

Barry had only seen this once before from Lup, when Taako had bought her a new umbrella as a joke birthday gift.

Of course. Why hadn’t he thought of this? He should have known how Lup would react. Except, he wasn’t worried at all about an umbrastaff situation. He wasn’t an inanimate object. He wasn’t alone.

He had Lup. He was able to see and interact with the world. Okay, it might be a little bizarre, but he would be fine.

Lup was still panicking when she set him down on the rug. He was unable to console her, not like this. She rushed for her stone of far speech, calling out frantically for Taako.

In seconds a tear in the fabric of the plane admitted a second twin elf and the fully outfitted and scythed grim reaper, both looking ready for a fight. They didn’t expect to be faced with a guinea pig.

Barry looked up at them.

He squeaked.

A rabbit would _definitely_ have been cooler.

“Taako, please, you have to do something!” Lup clung to his arm as soon as he appeared, burying her head into his neck. “You have to… you have to change him back!”

“Uhh, back up a bit bubelah,” Taako’s arms stuck out awkwardly at his sides, magic still springing from the palms ready to be unleashed. “Who’s the pig?”

“Barry!” It was a wail, and with that Taako’s arms latched tight around Lup’s back, pulling her to the ground with him as he knelt.

“Shh, it’s okay,” he soothed softly, rocking her as she fell apart in his arms, sobbing into his shoulder and making a mess of his clean white blouse. “Lup, I can fix this, I promise, he won’t get stuck this way.”

“Is it… just polymorph?” Kravitz wondered, regretting his words as Lup sent a firebolt at his head. “My apologies. Maybe I could take over, and let you get to work Taako?”

Taako carefully transferred Lup’s grasp to Kravitz’s neck, the reaper taking on a flesh body.

It was the work of moments to change Barry back. A wizard as talented as Taako would not be defeated by something as simple as a fourth level spell which probably didn’t even have much longer before it would have reverted anyway.

“Holy Birdmom!” Taako leapt backwards, yelping and covering his eyes. “I did _not_ need to see that!”

Barry supposed he should have found a way to warn Taako that the wizard hadn’t transmuted his clothes. At least Lup piled the sofa high with fancy fabrics and cushions, and he could cover the most vital parts with cushions before pulling one of the throws over his shoulders and round like a blanket.

“Barry!” Lup jolted out of Kravitz’s arms, throwing herself at him and curling so tightly around his neck that she almost cut off his breath.

“I’m so sorry I scared you, darling,” he croaked, finishing with a mortifying squeak. Lup punched his shoulder ineffectually.

“Scared? Me? Never.” she laughed, hysterical, then suddenly serious, “Weren’t you scared?”

“How could I be?” Barry smiled. “Even if I couldn’t have found my way home, I knew you would never give up on me.”

Taako made a gagging noise before the moment could have been considered romantic.

“Sap,” Lup laughed, wiping at her tears.

“Who’s the one crying?”

“This? This isn’t crying… I’m just… leaking. From my eyes… I was… cooking onions…” Lup wiped her eyes and stared at her damp hands.

“You… know I can remember what happened when I was a guinea pig, right?”

Lup huffed, hiding her face against his chest.

“Hmm,” Taako raised an eyebrow, grinning over Lup’s shoulder. “So, a guinea pig?”

“Shut up.”

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are a writer's life blood. I would be delighted to hear from you.


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